19 November 2025

Parenting a Child with ADHD

By Educational Psychologist Karen Archer

Educational Psychologist Karen Archer shares essential strategies to help families thrive despite the complexities of ADHD

Parenting a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can be incredibly challenging. The endless demands, coupled with the unpredictable nature of the disorder, can create a chaotic home life that significantly impacts the well-being of the entire family.

According to Karen Archer, Deputy Principal and Director of Bellavista S.H.A.R.E. and Educational Psychologist, the chaos in households with ADHD children often stems directly from the core symptoms of the disorder: distractibility, lack of focus, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. These behaviours, combined with co-morbidities such as anxiety disorders, behavioural challenges and learning difficulties, make daily life unpredictable.

The Hidden Toll on Parents

The impact on parents is profound and often underestimated. Consistent negative interactions can wear down a parent's spirit and lead to increased stress and frustration. Research reveals a telling pattern: parents of children with ADHD are much more likely to receive negative communications from their child's school, such as phone calls or notes, yet paradoxically, they are also more likely to attend parent-teacher conferences, demonstrating their high level of engagement and commitment to their child's success.

However, these same parents are less likely to attend "fun" school or class events, possibly due to anxiety or a desire to avoid potential behavioural issues in public settings. This constant strain can lead to marital stress, social anxiety, feelings of guilt, and even depression, while also impairing occupational functioning and making it difficult to maintain a healthy work-life balance.

When Parents Also Have ADHD

The challenges become even more complex when a parent also has ADHD. Adult ADHD is often linked to brain fog, poor memory, and high distractibility, which can make managing a child with similar symptoms incredibly difficult. Parental ADHD can also be associated with a higher risk of behavioral issues in the child, including aggression, conduct disorder, and emotional instability.

Creating Structure in the Chaos

Despite these challenges, Archer emphasises that families can thrive with the right approach. "Parenting a child with ADHD requires both parents to work together to create a calm and structured home environment, where there is consistency and compassion," she explains.

Essential Strategies for All Parents:

• Establish organisation and daily routines that you stick to. Being one step ahead helps prevent chaos
• Manage expectations and be reasonable in what you expect from your child and yourself. Remember you are the parent, not the teacher
• Encourage extramural activities that your child enjoys
• Prioritise self-care and make time for your relationship with your spouse, while not neglecting other children in the family
• Educate yourself about ADHD to better understand your child's behavior
• Join support groups and connect with other parents who understand your journey

Additional Support for Parents with ADHD:

• Seek treatment – getting a diagnosis and treatment for your own ADHD is the first and most crucial step
• Establish routines – structure is your friend. Learn organization skills, structure and time management while decreasing clutter and chaos
• Monitor your emotions and practice healthy coping mechanisms
• Practice self-compassion and acknowledge that you are doing your best

A Structured Approach to Discipline

Archer stresses that discipline is a critical component, requiring consistency and a united front:

• Work as a team – both parents should discuss and agree on disciplinary actions
• Be consistent – inconsistency undermines authority and can confuse a child with ADHD
• Keep it simple – give short, clear instructions and avoid shouting, as it often causes children with ADHD to tune out
• Think ahead to avoid being at a loss for what to do next
• Focus on the positive – provide frequent feedback and rewards for good behaviour, not just punishment for bad behaviour
• Seek professional help when struggling
• Maintain your sense of humour and realistic expectations

A Call for Understanding

"Parenting a child with ADHD is a demanding task – professionals and educators should never take for granted the daily struggles these parents face," Archer concludes. "By providing understanding, support and practical strategies, we can help families not only cope but thrive."

For additional resources and support, visit www.bellavista.org.za